2010 In a NuT shell -so far

Wow!  I can’t believe I haven’t posted since  February of this year (O.O)

So much has happened this year, which has turned our little world up-Side-Down…

  • After my last post:
  • and my son’s amazing break through, I started working ~yAy~
    • Sad to say I am not yet in the field of counseling,
    • but I am using my behavior modification education to train up a few more than my Zuko…   including Zuko it is 2-4 lil ones at a time
    • A college friend of mine needed a nanny, so we have been helping each other out.
      • It is nice b/c my schedule is flexible, so I can be w/ Zuko before and after school
      • and I get my little girl fix, w/ this little Rae of Sunshine  and sometimes her brother too.
  • Zuko and I have started going to a new church
    • Yes, i know it took forever to find the last one, but I wasn’t growing in my walk w/ God
    • My Aunt invited me to a small church started by a pastor/family friend… long story short >>> the teaching has been deep and causes me to think and grow in my convictions
  • Zuko and I have become more involved in our community
    • We have gone on 1 local missions trip.  Yes I said local… but in another city.  I will most def share that experience soon.
    • we have also been putting to practice “a heart of service”   our new little church likes to close for 1 Sunday and instead of going to church >> we become the Church!  We go to different areas in our community and volunteer our time.  It has been such a blessing, and not only is Zuko learning to be a Doer of God’s Word >> so am I!
  • and then…  1 Month after I started nannying…  Zuko’s and my world went Krazy PINK!
    • My great-niece came to live with us
    • She is the most sweetest and girliest of girls, but also very strong willed!!!  She turned 2 a week after she came to live with us, and she has already had a very eventful life.
    • we had to baby proof again, just 1 month after I took down all my baby proof items and gave away my boxes of hopeful baby/toddler supplies (I haven’t given up on marriage etc.. but I am not focused on it as I once was… I am becoming content with the possibility of my singleness being in God’s plan and not having a large family…)
    • the house soon became filled with pink and purple frills, baby dolls, purses, and little girl cheers and laughter
    • as well as the many strong willed child terrible 2s fits and then some….   I thought I was going to go crazy with some of the issues we had to deal with, and my patience was stretched further than I have ever experienced.  (I know I am not a patient person, I have been praying for it ever since Zuko turned his terrorizing 3s…   What is the saying??   “Be mindful of what you pray for, because you might just get it”   LOL)
    • Zuko had a difficult time sharing me, but when the day came that her daddy was able to take her home with him… Zuko missed her giggly girlieness in our home, and he actually cried.  It was so sweet ❤
    • Thankfully/Stressfully we get custody of  her on weekends. (We almost were able to adopt her, which we were hoping)  We love having her, but I am a bit unnerved that all the hard work of giving her boundaries and stability are out the door.  I have to start over every weekend I get her….  grrrr     It is difficult b/c as soon as she gets back in the swing of things, she goes back to her daddy and he gives in to her will all over again =/    How ~oh How did I get a baby daddy in my life.. LOL
  • A few weeks ago I turned 1 yr older!
    • Yup, I am moving on down that hill… I hope it isn’t too steep, I kind of want to savor it =)
  • Zuko started playing piano again; which he loves but also loves to hate.


  • We quit Boyscouts (yet again) but  would like to keep trying once we find a pack that best fits our busy schedule.


  • Zuko also moved up to the next grade and graduated out of his last class w/ Above Average Scores in the Star Testing!  I am so proud of him =D   These test scores are another testament to the mentoring his Big Brother “Hot Big Brother” provides, and that he is truly over and has matured from the heart break from my horrible moment of dating…

I have learned so much from these experience, which I would like to blog about (hopefully soon) as well as our adventures with Princess JoJo.

The main thing I learned is how much God has nurtured Zuko and I.  In this year, He provided for our physical needs as well as our emotional.  We have both grown in our relationship with the Lord, therefore our lives are taking a new turn in an old direction (more of that later, too)


Single MOMA



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Break on Through!

Signing my son up for the “Big brother” program has got to be 1 of the best things I could have done for Zuko.

Last Month, while he washed dishes, he gathered his courage and asked me the question, that had been haunting him since late Dec 2009.

“Moma” he said as he stared sadly at the cup he was drying. “Is HBB (short for what the women around me call him “Hot Big Brother”) done?”

“Done? What do you mean by ‘done?'” I said, almost egging him on.

“You know, Done.  Done like….”  he paused abruptly, and lowered his head in shame.  At that moment, I knew it was time. He was ready.

In 2006-07, I dated someone, and allowed Zuko to become acquainted with him.  They had previously met before we were dating at my college many times, and hit it off quite well.  Also, sitters are hard to come by, so I let convenience take the upper hand, and the two became great buddies.  He was the first man that Zuko can recall being in his life.  But of course as things didn’t work out, Zuko blamed me, when the X (Voldemort or better known as “He who must not be named”) stopped calling and visiting him -which was promised (by him) wouldn’t happen. Zuko would yell @ me in the most pained voice, that I messed up his chance of having a daddy.  Of course, this killed me.  Although “He who must not be named”  was good w/ Zuko, he was controlling and a bit abusive with me, using Scripture as his weapon of choice to claim obedience to his demands.

…the poor foolish controlling little man had no idea who he was dealing with!   Never mess with a Christian scholar, who is first a single mother by choice!!!

Zuko was extremely hurt by Voldemort “forgetting” him; I had to forbid anyone from so much as saying his name, thus becoming “He who must not be named.”  Every time I tried to comfort Zuko or talk to him about what happened, he would become enraged and yell,  kicking or throw things.  His pain affected his behavior in school, @ home, and in sports. Allowing them to meet and become close was the worst decision I have made as a mother, but leaving him makes the top 5 on the list of the best things.

Praise God!!!  I can say in 2010 we have finally turned back around and are full force toward the end of the healing journey.   I put him in counseling with a wonderful male professor of mine right away, which after 3yrs is not needed anymore. I placed him in a different school, because his teachers at the time made him a permanent home in the principal’s office, so they wouldn’t have to deal with him.  Which of course, Zuko interpreted as them “not liking” him.  Last year, he regained his love for learning, because he learned his teacher cared about him and his feelings.  << so important.  She was heaven sent!  Also, as soon as I was able to, I signed up Zuko for a Big brother.  December 2008 was when the prayer for a male role model/buddy was answered.

Now back to Jan 2010.  It had been a while since Zuko and HBB had a chance to get together, due to HBB’s traveling for work and the holidays.  January was coming to an end, and Zuko had not talked to HBB, and he was getting a little nervous.

“Done like who?” I asked knowing what he was thinking, and hoping he had the courage to say it out loud.

“I can’t say,” he said frustrated, “because I don’t want to get in trouble.”

That was it, that was my cue to finally have the conversation he previously wasn’t ready for, the conversation he wouldn’t even acknowlege in counseling.

“You mean Voldemort?” I asked in a nonchalant tone.

Zuko finally looked up from the cup, that was obviously dry 10min ago, and looked me in the eyes with astonishment, and said “yes.”

It had been 3yrs and no one has uttered his name once.  Zuko just looked @ me, waiting eagerly for my reply.

“Zuko, Voldemort was not a ‘good man.'” I said, After I silently prayed for words to speak. “A good man, does not make promises to people that he doesn’t intend the keep. But HBB, on the other hand, is a ‘good man.’  He always keeps his promises to you, and if he can’t keep it, because of work, he always lets us know.”

“But moma, what if HBB is done.” Zuko replied urgently. “It was a year in December, and the Big Brother people said, after a year HBB must decide if he wants to be done.”

“Well Zuko, HBB didn’t contact us to say ‘goodbye’  and he always lets us know if he can’t make it.  HBB doesn’t have to be a ‘Big brother,” but he is, because he chose to be one.  He chose to be your ‘Big brother,’ because he cares about you.  So don’t you think he would say bye if he didn’t want to be a ‘Big brother’ anymore.  Remember, he is a good man.  Just because Voldemort didn’t say bye, doesn’t mean all men don’t say goodbye.”

He thought on this for a while.  Then I continued on to remind Zuko that we were busy with the holidays and HBB’s work keeps him busy, and then I promised him that HBB would contact us when he had the chance.

It only took 2days for HBB to e-mail.  He was very upset that he didn’t get to see Zuko for Christmas, and that it took him so long to get a moment to contact us.

I told Zuko right away that HBB e-mailed… Zuko’s reply, “HBB is a good man, and Voldemort wasn’t.”

I wept.

Then thanked HBB for not being so prompt on contacting us, because it gave me the opportunity I had been praying for to help Zuko see that he is important, and what Voldemort did by disregarding him was not ok.

HBB wept.

Since that day, Zuko has completely let go of the pain he held for the last 3yrs.  He is my joyful son again, who isn’t afraid that myself or anyone else is going to leave him.  He also knows that he matters, and that I had his best at heart when I ended things with Voldemort.

I am so thankful to God and HBB for their faithfulness.

Thank You Jesus for The Big Brother/ Big Sister Program, and for the people like HBB, who take time out of their busy life to be in a hurting child’s life. Amen.

ps. Zuko had to make a personal mail box today for school, and under his name he wrote “A Good Man” as the address.


Filed under Dating, Zuko


I can honestly say it’s true! 

If you want your child to be a reader, then they must see you as a reader.

I was never read as a child, until my soph. year of high school.  Yet, in high school I only read what was expected in class, and never pursued reading until after I finished college.

Now that I am a broke single moma, and can’t be a clothes whore (yup, I said it);  I’ve turned my obsession of buying towards >> books.

I own so many books, my house could be a resale shop!  Well it actually is a library, but I ain’t letting those babies leave the house for too long  😉

My favorite thing to do now is read, read, and read.

I have a ton of favorites.. and you prob. guessed that one of them is “The Twilight series.”  My new obsession >>> “The Mortal Instruments.”  But I will always have a place in my heart for Jane Austin and Shakespeare.

@ the moment, my heart desires Fantasy novels.. but they have to have a good love story woven in.   I try to read the good old adventure classics to Zuko as much as possible, even though he can’t stand them.

My son, sad to say, has had a thing against chapter books, and still to this day hates “Twilight” as well as everything that comes in the “Twi-hard” package.  I guess he has felt like a Twi-orphan.  Poor Zuko.  😦

It’s true, I left him with his grandma a few times, so I could head up to WeHo to scream with all the other ‘Twi-hards.  Oh yeah, and the times I went out to see the movies… of course, I did go to matinees while he was at school, to ease his feelings of abandonment.


My excitement being >> he has caught the bug!

The other day, I was slowly rolling up in the “pick-up line” at Zuko’s school, while reading “The Mortal Instruments”

and Zuko’s teacher started laughing…

I guess Zuko was walking to the car with his nose in a book, while I was creeping to the front of the line >> Nose In Book, also.


It was cute ❤

As of yesterday, Zuko finished his 1st chapter book -on his own!  It started out as a book to read for homework, and ended up being his little pastime between class and waiting to be picked up.

I am so very proud of him!  Only 8yrs old!

In my family >> this is a huge accomplishment!

My brothers hate to read, and before 2008, I didn’t give much attention to reading for fun.

I guess Monkey see Monkey do can be a good thing.

I am sure it isn’t much to anyone else, but me coming from a father, who (to this day) can’t read subtitles on a movie; and Zuko coming from a father with dyslexia… all I see is the accomplishment of breaking those generational curses.

I hope now, all those books I bought for him to read, will retire from their job of dust collectors, and become revolving doors to imaginations station…

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Exploring Other Things

This year, my son will be turning 9.  NINE!!!  Can you believe it?

Well I can’t…

To me he will always be that huge almost 9lb bundle of cuteness that came home with me after 9 months of wonderful pregnancy (but not so wonderful body changes).

Since day 1, I have taught my son to be a patriot. To love his country, and to respect those who serve it.  Hmmm… Maybe I went a little too far, because as soon as he was able to talk, he has told me he wants to be a soldier in the army  -only the army.        read more about that here.

Well, I am all about supporting our troops, but I am a bit concerned that I haven’t given Zuko a clear view of what opportunities are outside his door, because I have only shown him a glimpse from a small window.

We have spend countless hours at military museums and air show, and have had personal hands on tours of the many hummers and tanks.  Even Zuko’s “Big Brother” from the Big Bro program works on base, so he has seen and heard tons of glamorous military stories.


This year I want to broaden my son’s scope of service, and give him a view from a larger window.  He is set on serving his country, which is awesome, but there are tons of ways to serve this great nation.  He has always only focused on one way to serve >> In The Army.


I have concocted a plan to broaden my little patriot’s horizons.

I am going to devote each month to 1 area of service, and arrange opportunities for Zuko to meet and talk to men from that area of service.  (ie: this month we will be exploring the daily life and work of Firemen)

This little plan of mine (I hope) will also become a learning tool for a few other obstacles, which the both of us struggle.

Over the years I have realized that in person I am very very shy.  Zuko on the other hand, has adopted my shy persona, and has left his enthusiastic and friendly persona behind.

I really miss the innocent and friendly Zuko.  I realize, in my attempt to keep him safe: I have taught my son to be overly protected from talking to stranger, that he no longer desires to engage in acknowledging anyone, who isn’t a already known family member or friend.

Yesterday we saw a few firemen at the grocery store, and Zuko was asking me about them, so I proceeded to approach them and try to spark up a conversation.  Zuko hid behind me and refused to acknowledge he had questions for the fire fighters.

I hope this experience will give Zuko:

1. more options in regards to his future

2. experience in interviewing (something he has been learning in school)

3. confidence in his public speaking

4. practice in appropriate introductions and networking

5. a new and fun experience we can do together

I hope my plan works out.  I also hope he gets much more out of these experiences than my sleepy brain can conger up at the moment.

Raising a manly boy, when you are shy and uber girly is difficult, so please pray that I can step out of my little shy box and be the brave role model MOMA my son needs.



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New Moon Adventures

I am not going to dwell on the dreadful past months, because I am ready to move forward and onward…

BUT…                 (I love BIG buts)

I can’t step out into the New Year until I share a bit of my NEW MOON Adventures!!!

I am going to start it off with my son’s favorite family time choice…


One day, last year I was on youtube looking for any footage of my friends and I at the Twilight LA premiere Nov 2008; and found a brilliantly made parody of Twilight.  Well as you may or may not know I am for sure Twi-hard!!  The Hindi sisters’ talent is off the grid, so I investigated their page and found Nevada’s real jackpot.

Hurray for HiLLYWOOD!

Zuko and I watch The Hillywood Show often.  It is one of the things he can choose to do for our family time after homework is finished.

Zuko is a huge Jack Sparrow fan!  We love Hillary as Jack and Willy Wonka.   We are also Star Wars Addicts, so The Hillywood Show is a great combo w/ an extra side of fries (teHee).  I suggest you check them out and start from the beginning… you will be awed by the talent of these two ladies.

So why do I bring them up??

1. Because their New Moon Parody just has to be shared, and

2. We met the cast at a local charity event for SD’s annual Mother Goose Parade.

Hillywood and Zuko

Zuko is very shy unless he is on stage. We paid for the “Star Treatment” and let him walk the red carpet.. Lets just say he was a natural…LOL

But when it was time to meet the cast of The Hillywood Show, he became star struck and forgot his age, when they asked him …lol  We got their autographs, and he stared at that piece of paper for 3 days.

Then came the L.A. premiere of New Moon!

Of Course we had to make another trip to L.A. but this time things were different this year because the “crazy people” came up days early to see the cast.  We had to come up the night before, which was extremely early, unlike last year. At Twilight’s premiere we showed up at 2pm the day of, and met so many actors and singers. I shook hands with Peter Facinelli & my friend got a wave from Jeffrey Dean Morgan (only because she was climbing the rails and screaming so loud I think the Pope heard her in Italy).

So we squatted on the sidewalk as soon as we got there.. which was about 10pm.

Sleeping on the sidewalk

But one of my girls decided it would be a better idea to get a room, since camping was not her thing…lol

Musical Drama Mama excited about a warm room!

The line to get a wrist band and possibly meet the stars was ridiculously long.  It was 20 blocks long maybe more, and we were about 20 people behind the last to get wrist bands.  I left the line to find a “just in case” spot, which became our best bet, because someone yelled out, “they’re not giving anymore bands out!” And the crowd went frantic and made a run for the theater.  I hear it was a huge mob of screaming moms, daughters, & grandmas -but I missed it =(

One of my friends has a shattered iPhone because of the crazy stampede.  But in the end it was a blast, and we got tons of pix of all the stars, and a few waves from our favorite stars and famous fans.

Here are a couple of my proof pix from New Moon Premiere…

Twi-Squaters w/ Signs



These are my favorite below!!!

Someone pointing Peter to OUR sign

He found us!

Jeffrey Dean Morgan Waving to us again this year ❤

It was such a blast!  We met new Twi-hard fans again this year.. and this year they were from SD, also …lol

I know it looks a bit obsessed, but I love the books, and SD is so close to LA… I figured if we don’t do it now -then when?  It is always in the spirit of fun, not stalking celebs.

The Twilight series has started a huge sort of book club for me and my family/friends.   We have all fallen in love with either a wolf, vampire, or both. Mainly because we are all Christian women, with hearts that skip a beat for moral, passionate, and gorgeous men (heeX3)

My aunts, cousins, friends and I deepened our bond through the Twilight book series, and some of us have moved on to another fun and exciting fantasy series -The Mortal Instruments.

2010 holds many more adventures… Eclipse movie Premiere and a spin off book from The Mortal Instruments series =)

I am very excited!  2010 here I come!!!

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Barber Shop

I grew up surrounded by boys.  I have 4 brothers, and all my friends were guys.  I did have 1 or 2 friends that were girls, but they hung with the guys too.

So I am used to guys going to the barber shop once a week to make sure their skin fade was hooked up

…but once I became a stylist; I never thought my child would go to a barber =/

His entire life Zuko has had a cool hairstyle.  He has had all the long lengths of a fade, spikes, mohawks, liberty spikes, messy skater… etc

He has also had the best products a salon can offer, including the many different colors of Spiker…

… so why is it, my son wants to go to a barber?

“I don’t want a style,” he says. “I want a cool boy cut.”

I have to admit I have been fighting him on this.  He believes a boy cut is pretty much a buzz, but he would settle for short spikes.

I wanted him to grow his hair long and wear it a little messy.  But of course his “cool” isn’t the same as my “cool,” and since I’m a “girl” I don’t know what boys think is “cool.”  Except I cut all types of different boy/men styles that are “in” on a daily basis.

It has been a week or two since we had this discussion and I have been trying to convince him to wait till his hair has grown past the awkward “Bruce Lee”stage (that I am kinda liking), but he was set in his decision, so I called up a barber friend of mine.

I guess it is time to let the boy get a taste of “being a man” and giving  him the control of how he is presented to the world.

I say stylish.

He says short and easy.

It seems little by little he is showing me that he really isn’t my a baby anymore.  First with the nickname change, and now his hair.  *tear.

I know it isn’t a big deal, but his look -especially his hair- was my thing.  He never cared about those things, so now that he does… I can’t help pushing down the feelings that he is growing up too fast and will soon be a man.  I know I am getting ahead of myself.

I know all moms go through this.  Yet, not all moms are single moms.  Since day 1 it has been Zuko and I, and no one else.

So tonight my thoughts and prayers go out to all those moms who are completely doing this on their own, and are approaching or on the steep up hill of the inevitable journey down the hill of  >>  learning to let go.



ps.. I’ll post before and after pix soon.

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2010 Time to Begin

Be a light! Matthew 5:13-16

Satin was on a roll in the battle of 2009.

Last year was supposed to be the next step in the staircase of God’s plan.

June of 09 was the end of my sabbatical year, and the following semester the plan was to begin Grad school.  Well…  in June 09 my car blew starting a trend of  financial and emotional burdens that followed well into December 09.

I knew all along that God would make a way and bring me through it, and yet  >> I let the enemy place a road block in my path, and dim my light.

Here it is the beginning of 2010 and I’m not starting my second semester in Grad school, and the stress of it all darkened my ability to be a light for those around me.

I am blessed to say that after the many trials I have faced these last 8yrs;  my faith is well placed, and here I am into the next season,  with a “new to me” car, a new Notebook, and hopefully on a up hill path.

So what am I rambling about???

This past Christmas season I began to ponder what it was that caused my light to become dim, and in conclusion >> I realized due to those trials from the past years the walls that protect my faith have been slowly crumbling.  I have been fatigued in my walk for a few years now.

This may not make sense, but it is something I learn in an Old Testament  course in College.  Pretty much, back in the day,  huge walls would be created around a city to protect its people and kingdom.  The wall was the strongest defense they had against enemies.  When Jerusalem was taken into captivity, the wall of the city were burned and pretty much destroyed along with the temple.  Later the temple was rebuilt, but the wall was not, allowing the city to be vulnerable.  The book of Nehemiah is about the rebuilding of the city walls.

This is the book God has returned me to.  It is time to rebuild my hedge of protection.

I want to be like the Godly women of my Grandmother’s day: Trials come and they are relaxed and praise God (the relax part I don’t have down), but their lights do not go dim, instead it shines brighter.

That is the testimony I wish I could bring you, but it isn’t.

That is the woman of God I hope to be >> Lord Willing!

No I won’t be perfect at it, and I know those women were not either, but this is my hearts desire.  This is the picture of the disciples after they finally “got it.”

This will take a lot of prayer and hard work.  The rebuilding has been in need and on halt for so long, since my church closed. But God has provided a New Break in the foundation of  this Temple, and I am in need of your help.

No one can do anything alone, that is why He never forsakes us.  Any prayer on my behalf would be greatly appreciated.  God has so many things in the works in regard to my spiritual life that will reach down into my son’s life, and I have never taken on so much a one time. I am no longer a baby Christian, it is time to mature and grow again.

I would love to pray for you as well.  Please feel free to twitter, myspace, or e-mail me.

It is time to live in the JOY of salvation.  I will no longer linger on the past, that is the promise I hope you keep me to.  It is time t move forward and leave the past were it belongs… in the past.

As a wise old turtle once said,

Blessings and HugZ

(note: if you e-mail please put something int he subject line to let me know you are not spam, thanx)


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